A New Friend
by Debochira
Summary: After the events on 2181 Despoina, Shepard and co return to the Normandy for some R&R... except for a new addition he found in Dr. Bryson's lab.


"RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!"

Commander Shepard leapt out of bed, yanked the pistol out from under the mattress, and fired three warning shots. Smoke still wafting from the barrel, the Spectre scanned the room for hostiles but found only a quivering Tali'Zorah hiding beneath the rumpled sheets of his bed.

"Shepard..." the Quarian managed to say, her breath shaky and sleep-ridden. Her unvisored eyes were wide and twitching as she processed the information of her awakening.

Letting his own breath out, Shepard aimed the pistol downward and reached over to his lover. "Are you hurt?" he asked, though it sounded more like, "Did I accidentally shoot you?"

With a blink, she answered, "Other than the heart attack I'm having, no." Putting a three-fingered hand to her forehead, Tali groaned and asked, "What time is it?"

Shepard glanced to his bedside clock and read out, "O Three Hundred."

With another groan, Tali complained, "We have to be up in three hours... Keelah, what was that noise?" Wrapping the bedsheets around her torso, the engineer stood up and patted around the room.

"RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!"

Tali squealed in fright and ducked down in front of the sofa. "Keelah, it sounds like a Husk!"

Gritting his teeth, the Commander stomped up to his personal terminal and bonked his pistol hard against the culprit. "It's just an experiment I found in Dr. Bryson's lab." He shook his head in irritation at the biomechanical head, which immediately repeated the gesture.

Running trembling fingers through her hair, Tali walked over to Shepard and practically growled, "Why the fuck would you take this thing into your personal cabin?" She looked up at Shepard to find him staring at her with mouth and eyes wide open. "What? Oh..." She blushed and turned away. "I hung out with Jack a lot while she was here. Anyway!" She gestured to the Husk head. "Why is that thing here?"

Turning his attention to the head, Shepard sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It was Vega's idea. He thought it was cool and suggested I take it."

"And you listened to him?!" Tali cried.

"RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!"

"Yes yes, you're here, hello," the engineer tiredly waved the head off. "_Why_ did you think this was a good idea?"

Raising his shoulders like a lectured child, Shepard answered, "I don't know, it looked so sad and miserable-"

"Of _course_ it's sad and miserable, Shepard!" The Quarian frantically pointed at the head and screeched, "It's a _severed head_ on a _plate_!" She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "You have to get rid of it, fast."

Shepard lifted an eyebrow at her and asked, "What am I supposed to do, flush it down the toilet?"

"Preferably not, otherwise you'll ruin the plumbing," Tali replied. "Whose idea was it to bring this aboard?"

"Uh... Vega's." Shepard stepped back at the wicked and mischievous grin on Tali's face.

* * *

_The next morning..._

_James Vega smirked with confidence as he stood in the middle of London, kicking ass and taking names alongside Ashley, though she was in less than appropriate clothing for battle. Firing off a Carnage round, the N7 candidate brushed against Ashley and said, "Don't worry, _belleza_, I'll keep you safe."_

"_My hero," the LT teased as she blasted a Marauder into oblivion. "So, when are you gonna show me your _gun_?"_

_Laughing heartily, James shot down three Cannibals, thus achieving victory. "Oh, babe, you ain't seen nothing yet." He pulled Ashley close and nibbled at her earlobe, earning a moan for his trouble._

"_My, does the great James Vega have what it takes?" the second human Spectre challenged._

_Dropping his rifle, James lifted Ashley off the ground and held her against the wall. Surrounded by fallen Reaper forces, the blazing light of the Normandy overhead, James leaned in to Ashley and..._

"RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!"

"Aye, Dios mío!" James cried, leaping out of his bunk and collapsing in a heap on the floor. Looking around for a weapon, the N7 candidate clawed away from the bunk and stared at the object of his awakening: The Husk head. Shuddering from the sudden dose of consciousness, James wiped a hand down his face and stared at the empty blank stare of the experiment.

Picking himself up and making sure no one was watching, James walked up and was about to sock the head right in the jaw, but he noticed a note nearby. Raising an eyebrow, he read the note and groaned at what it said:

_Next time you want to take an experiment from a lab, the answer will be NO. __Have fun with your new friend ~ Shepard and Tali_

_PS (from Tali): I bet you won't be having those lovely dreams for a while, bosh'tet._


End file.
